Come now Geoff put a bit of effort into it.
BIKERS CAUSE THE LION TO ROAR and colapse
A motely collection of apparently alcoholic bikers hell bent on destruction caused the wreckage of the beloved Lion Royal.
Police and fire fighters are still sifting through the wreckage this morning after a fire was started, buildings were destoyed by explosion and a man was hospitalised.
Police are trying to piece together the actual events but it is believed that one bike was totally destroyed by the explosion causing the oil filter to become lodged in the behind of an unfortunate reveller. Police cannot confirm a rumour at this time that is was actually inserted by another party goer in a bizarre bikers ritual.
The party apparently started innocently enough with a hog roast until one (apparently male) attendee identified by the name Pylon Boy was goaded into proving he was not related to the previously aforementioned roastee by either looks or size. It is reported that he uttered the immortal phrase "hold my beer" ( other reports suggest this was in fact some sort of multi coloured cocktail adorned with fruit and paper umbrella) before sashaying over to roasting area and unfortunately tripping over a small wooden plaque and oil filter wrench. On falling into the fire pit he became engulfed in flames.
It was stated by several persons that whilst they didn't actually believe it when many had said "I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire" it indeed proved to be true.
This would have been the end of the issue except, and this is where is becomes a bit hazy, a grouping, or club if you will, or arctic dwelling avians released a cloud of both noxious and explosive gas which ignited with obvious consequences.
The happy end to the tale is that the explosive concussion extinguished the fire engulfing Pylon Boy although the loss of the building is mourned the saving of life has to be applauded.
One of the gentlemen present, who was indeed most handsome, slim and young looking, reported it was probably the best NVM yet although now he is being sought by Maltese, Mexican and Spanish authorities and we cannot verify the claims.